I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
