We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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