how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
