I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
