Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
