So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found puke in my bra..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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