i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
