totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
