Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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