Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
