i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize