Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
