careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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