Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
