We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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