You smell like a Billy Joel song
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
