so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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