Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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