My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
