i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
