I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
