Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
