I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
