She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
