***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
