tell your sister to shave her snatch
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
