two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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