nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i think i just naturally attract stoners
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
