hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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