Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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