I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
