oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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