if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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