you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
