so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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