Need sex. Gaining weight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
