i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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