In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
