A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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