he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
