I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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