why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
