I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize