What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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