he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
