i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
