he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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