so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
