capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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