i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
false alarm, still single
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize