After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
