Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
