Please, let me fuck your mom
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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