The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
