i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
