The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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