And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize