Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize