my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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