i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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