Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
