apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
