i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
