It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
