They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
