Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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