I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
