what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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