So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
My cat gives me a boner
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
