So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
