shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
