Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
