Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
