So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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