im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
