just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
