C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
