so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
