take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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