The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
