i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i came on her dog
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
