i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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