remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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