So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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