you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
