I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
