Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
