Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
