I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
