I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
