That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
