Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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