I looked at my own cervix.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
