i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
