You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry about my life...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
