i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
