the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
