happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
