It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
