There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
